Upstairs at the Square

Colin Meloy and Carson Ellis did an interview and booksigning event at Barnes & Noble last night. Nicole and I both went and had a great time, filled with hyperventilation and incredible anxiety (Nicole was right in her assertion that we really should have taken a grownup with us). As we stood in line to meet Colin (and also Carson, but she isn’t my #1 celebrity crush so…) I started to freak out. Nicole had stated from minute 1 that she was just not going to interact with either of them at all; she kept saying “now is not the time,” which leads me to believe that Nicole knows the future. I asked her what she theoretically would say to them, and she responded “I have a sandwich in my bag” (which would have been true).

I started flipping out while in line because everyone in front of us was actually having mini-convos with the two of them, and some were even shaking his hand. I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could say to Colin Meloy that wouldn’t be incredibly creepy/invasive. You can’t just say “loved the last album” or “excited to read ‘Wildwood,’” you have to go for it. You have to say something they’ll remember. Unfortunately, all of these things from me to him would have sounded like:

Can I see your chest hair? I know you have it but there are no shirtless pics of you online.

You know, I did a top ten list of men I find attractive as part of a bit in a gay variety show, and you were #1! You got a 7 in every category, including “Unfit Factor” and “Adroability”!

I knew I had a crush on you before I knew I was gay.

You’re my desktop wallpaper!

I finally came out to my familiy last week, and a picture of you was the third thing I posted on Tumblr to celebrate the fact.

A lot of people have said my boyfriend looks like you. If only he’d wear glasses he doesn’t need!

Sometimes I listen to “July, July” with only one earbud in, because due to the mix, that one earbud has nothing but your incredible voice.

I love you.

See, all of that would have been incredibly weird. So I just said “thank you” to him over and over, and looked him in the eyes (UUUGGGHHH) and ambled away. It was amazing, but now I regret not at least trying to shake his hand.

But maybe now just wasn’t the time.